Wirly - The Wirly Story

Wirly is the love-child of ex-model Ingrid Bjerge and a former Jesuit priest, Mike Kaplinsky. They met in a Las Vegas casino and very quickly engaged in a frantic affair. Exotic cocktails and other such intoxicating substances are rumoured to have enhanced their feelings of love and lust towards each other. So called ‘friends’ of the couple explained that this affair was, apparently, the first bit of love Wirly’s father had ever received. The intensity of this love affair led to his eventual mental breakdown, and so he up and left the Jesuit way of life. Soon after, he started his own post apocalyptic cult, and took the new name of Ildefons shyam.

he and his cult are now rolling in the money by collecting donations from thousands of naive and ignorant followers in order to build a temple that will, apparently, stay standing even after the world has been destroyed.

When Ingrid realised that she was with child, she signed herself into a rehab clinic in Switzerland to try and get her anorexia nervosa under control, and so withdrew from the jet set life she hadpreviously enjoyed. After Wirly was born, Ingrid left her to be looked after by a German nanny named Helga. Free once again, she travelled to India, and from there, onto Tibet, here she discovered Buddhism, yoga and new fascinating techniques of plastic surgery. She now spends most of her time at the Samskaras Spa in Tibet trying to delay the inevitable aging...

Wirly’s personality is a highly explosive mix of her parents’- a perfect balance between arrogance and vanity. Her IQ, however, is exceptionally higher then both her mothers and fathers combined. Her age is not known, and she’s not keen to divulge it to anyone. She is mischievous, self-centred and most of the time very mean. She loves to cause chaos at every given opportunity. She also has transcendental powers and so is capable of entering other people. A Vatican council has ruled that, in order to keep these powers under control, she must, at all times, wear boxing gloves and sunglasses.

Wirly can be very sweet and loving at times, although only when it is in her personal interest. She makes no attempt to hide her shallow love for money and material things. She is currently single, but aspires to marry a rich and famous movie star who can afford to launch her dream career as a musician. Her two favourite books are The Divine Comedy and Fausto, which her nanny Helga used to read to her every evening when she was a little girl. Re-reading them always brings back good memories from her childhood. Wirly has a very obscure sense of humour, with a particular fascination for everything morbid and sinister. However, this dark side of her doesn’t intrude on her taste for bright colours, her favourites being shades of pink and orange.

Wirly has a half-brother named Tomasito. He is a very curious an talkative young boy, but he only speaks gibberish which no one understands. Some time ago Tomasito was found floating on a raft in the sea near the channel island Jersey. By sheer coincidence, his favourite toy happened to be a small plastic raft, which he carried with him wherever he went. Attached to this raft was a note written in poor English, asking 'for please to deliver him to his father, reverend Ildefons Shyam'. When he was found, he was taken straight to his father. Ildefons quickly saw the potential in this situation and proclaimed to his cult that Tomasito’s arrival is a sign that the End is near. From that day on, Tomasito became the most important holy figure for the cult.

Tomasito follows his beloved half-sister Wirly around all the time. The only time he doesn’t, is when he is at the altar blessing members of the cult. Some of the adventures they go on often lead them astray, and their father frequently has to rescue them from the grip of the law.

Willy is a penguin who comes from Antarctica. He is not like most penguins. He prefers to be alone rather than in large numbers. For this reason, he decided to trek to Bouvet Island, hoping to find a more secluded spot for himself. During the trek he made a navigational error and ended up in the UK where he met Wirly for the first time. Willy instantly fell in love with her and now follows her everywhere. He is very possessive and tries to keep people as far away from Wirly as possible. His martial art training comes in handy on certain occasions.

Wirly owns a pet fly. She was inspired to keep it ever since she was taught at school that a fly can only live for 24 hours. She wanted to test this theory out, and has baffled scientists by befriending her fly for a full 4 years, from the day it transformed from a larva. Due to the clear discrepancy between school teaching and practical life, she decided to drop out of school. She is now planning a lawsuit against the school for false teachings and manipulating the truth.

to be continued...